New Life

It’s amazing how we change and go through the motions of life. I think there is a part of all of us that thinks we have it all figured out. There is nothing that can come our way that we don’t know how to handle. What can really freak me out? I work 60-70 hours a week running a business, go to school, am president of a motorcycle club, and have a family (wife, dog, and house). I really did think I was somewhat invincible. Well, that’s what I thought until about 4 months ago.

In October of 2007 I came home on a Friday afternoon just ready to kick my feet up and relax. My wife comes in the room and tells me she has a present for me. Now I’m sitting there thinking she got me something for my motorcycle or a nice little treat like a doughnut or something. When I opened the present, there were two pregnancy tests. At this point I didn’t need to even look, I knew what they were and what they would indicate. This was no surprise to me, because we had been trying for a few months, and I thought I was ready to make that next step. I’m 28 and getting older by the minute—no, by the second. I was just caught off guard and didn’t know what to say so I just hugged my wife. It was like that Twix commercial where the guy doesn’t say the right thing so he shoves the Twix in his mouth so she can’t understand him. Well, the hug was my Twix.

As a couple weeks went by, things didn’t really hit me too much. I was still doing what I always do, and the word was there (“baby”), but it really didn’t seem like anything had changed. My wife’s figure didn’t change in its features, and she didn’t get sick, so at this point I thought to myself “No problem man, I can do this.” Even though we were telling people and starting to prepare, it still didn’t sink in yet.

At the beginning of November we had our first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound. First, I’m very naive about the ultrasound procedure. So as the doctor was explaining what she was going to do, I started to get nervous and sweat a little. Once the doctor started the ultrasound we watched the monitor and there it was, the baby. I could see the head and the body but the arms and legs were just starting to form. I felt an excitement that I’ve never felt before. I was so excited to see the baby and hear the heart beat. Now it’s real. My wife looked back at me with a smile and asked if I could see the monitor ok. I said yes, but I tried not to show her how nervous I really was. As we finished up the doctor was asking her some questions and I was sitting over in the corner confused. My head was spinning from all of these different emotions: happy, nervous, anxious, scared, and excited.

At that moment the anxiety set in. I started asking myself “Am I going to be a good father?” All of the other typical questions that I’m sure most new dads would ask started flooding my mind. When we left the doctor’s office that day my wife asked me how I was feeling. She could tell that I had freaked out a bit. I just never thought that I would fear being a good father more than anything else. I mean I’m Duane Wood man, I do wheelies at 75 MPH. What do I have to be scared of?

Now that this new life is coming, I ask myself “What is going to change?” I work a lot right now running a business that also requires me to travel sometimes. When I think about it I’m a bit selfish. It’s hard to make that transition just because we are used to doing what we want to do. Well, at least for the most part. Now I’m going to have to adjust and make changes in order to spend time with the new baby. To be honest that is one drawback for me right now. My wife and I didn’t have anything else to worry about. We would take vacations, go places, and be as loud as we wanted when we felt like it. Now there is someone else to think about and that’s going to be a huge adjustment for the both of us, but mainly me.

I am really looking forward to having this child. This isn’t like anything else that I’ve done before. It’s not like designing and building a machine like I do day in and day out. Machines don’t have feelings or personalities. I will get to help teach this kid how to walk, talk, and become another person in society. I will be able to teach it values, responsibilities, and respect. I will love this child more and more as time goes on and I will do my best to send this one out into the world ready. As much as he/she learns from me (which I hope isn’t my potty mouth), I know that I will learn so much from them. I AM ready. I think?