As we get closer and closer to delivery time my wife is trying to slow me down. She thinks that I need to slow down a bit especially with my hobbies. I love to ride. If you haven't figured that out yet you've been on another planet. There is a quote they said in Top Gun, "you won't be happy unless you're doing mach 2 with your hair on fire." Well, that's me in a nut shell. I'm an adrenaline junky and my wife looks at that as taking chances that I don't need to.
I'm really curious to see how I will be after Jr. is here. Am I going to be as crazy and irresponsible? It's in my blood and I don't know how to change the way it makes me feel to do 150mph. One thing is for sure is, it's not all about me anymore. I want to make sure that I'm there for this little one every step of the way. I would never just want to leave my wife hanging out there to take care of a family all by herself. So what do I do? Do I give it up? You can't say "Oh, I will just be more careful. It doesn't work that way with me. When I get on my bike the first thing I want to do is get the front tire off the ground before I make it to the end of the street. I guess I just need to slow down and think about it all.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
New Life
It’s amazing how we change and go through the motions of life. I think there is a part of all of us that thinks we have it all figured out. There is nothing that can come our way that we don’t know how to handle. What can really freak me out? I work 60-70 hours a week running a business, go to school, am president of a motorcycle club, and have a family (wife, dog, and house). I really did think I was somewhat invincible. Well, that’s what I thought until about 4 months ago.
In October of 2007 I came home on a Friday afternoon just ready to kick my feet up and relax. My wife comes in the room and tells me she has a present for me. Now I’m sitting there thinking she got me something for my motorcycle or a nice little treat like a doughnut or something. When I opened the present, there were two pregnancy tests. At this point I didn’t need to even look, I knew what they were and what they would indicate. This was no surprise to me, because we had been trying for a few months, and I thought I was ready to make that next step. I’m 28 and getting older by the minute—no, by the second. I was just caught off guard and didn’t know what to say so I just hugged my wife. It was like that Twix commercial where the guy doesn’t say the right thing so he shoves the Twix in his mouth so she can’t understand him. Well, the hug was my Twix.
As a couple weeks went by, things didn’t really hit me too much. I was still doing what I always do, and the word was there (“baby”), but it really didn’t seem like anything had changed. My wife’s figure didn’t change in its features, and she didn’t get sick, so at this point I thought to myself “No problem man, I can do this.” Even though we were telling people and starting to prepare, it still didn’t sink in yet.
At the beginning of November we had our first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound. First, I’m very naive about the ultrasound procedure. So as the doctor was explaining what she was going to do, I started to get nervous and sweat a little. Once the doctor started the ultrasound we watched the monitor and there it was, the baby. I could see the head and the body but the arms and legs were just starting to form. I felt an excitement that I’ve never felt before. I was so excited to see the baby and hear the heart beat. Now it’s real. My wife looked back at me with a smile and asked if I could see the monitor ok. I said yes, but I tried not to show her how nervous I really was. As we finished up the doctor was asking her some questions and I was sitting over in the corner confused. My head was spinning from all of these different emotions: happy, nervous, anxious, scared, and excited.
At that moment the anxiety set in. I started asking myself “Am I going to be a good father?” All of the other typical questions that I’m sure most new dads would ask started flooding my mind. When we left the doctor’s office that day my wife asked me how I was feeling. She could tell that I had freaked out a bit. I just never thought that I would fear being a good father more than anything else. I mean I’m Duane Wood man, I do wheelies at 75 MPH. What do I have to be scared of?
Now that this new life is coming, I ask myself “What is going to change?” I work a lot right now running a business that also requires me to travel sometimes. When I think about it I’m a bit selfish. It’s hard to make that transition just because we are used to doing what we want to do. Well, at least for the most part. Now I’m going to have to adjust and make changes in order to spend time with the new baby. To be honest that is one drawback for me right now. My wife and I didn’t have anything else to worry about. We would take vacations, go places, and be as loud as we wanted when we felt like it. Now there is someone else to think about and that’s going to be a huge adjustment for the both of us, but mainly me.
I am really looking forward to having this child. This isn’t like anything else that I’ve done before. It’s not like designing and building a machine like I do day in and day out. Machines don’t have feelings or personalities. I will get to help teach this kid how to walk, talk, and become another person in society. I will be able to teach it values, responsibilities, and respect. I will love this child more and more as time goes on and I will do my best to send this one out into the world ready. As much as he/she learns from me (which I hope isn’t my potty mouth), I know that I will learn so much from them. I AM ready. I think?
In October of 2007 I came home on a Friday afternoon just ready to kick my feet up and relax. My wife comes in the room and tells me she has a present for me. Now I’m sitting there thinking she got me something for my motorcycle or a nice little treat like a doughnut or something. When I opened the present, there were two pregnancy tests. At this point I didn’t need to even look, I knew what they were and what they would indicate. This was no surprise to me, because we had been trying for a few months, and I thought I was ready to make that next step. I’m 28 and getting older by the minute—no, by the second. I was just caught off guard and didn’t know what to say so I just hugged my wife. It was like that Twix commercial where the guy doesn’t say the right thing so he shoves the Twix in his mouth so she can’t understand him. Well, the hug was my Twix.
As a couple weeks went by, things didn’t really hit me too much. I was still doing what I always do, and the word was there (“baby”), but it really didn’t seem like anything had changed. My wife’s figure didn’t change in its features, and she didn’t get sick, so at this point I thought to myself “No problem man, I can do this.” Even though we were telling people and starting to prepare, it still didn’t sink in yet.
At the beginning of November we had our first doctor’s appointment and ultrasound. First, I’m very naive about the ultrasound procedure. So as the doctor was explaining what she was going to do, I started to get nervous and sweat a little. Once the doctor started the ultrasound we watched the monitor and there it was, the baby. I could see the head and the body but the arms and legs were just starting to form. I felt an excitement that I’ve never felt before. I was so excited to see the baby and hear the heart beat. Now it’s real. My wife looked back at me with a smile and asked if I could see the monitor ok. I said yes, but I tried not to show her how nervous I really was. As we finished up the doctor was asking her some questions and I was sitting over in the corner confused. My head was spinning from all of these different emotions: happy, nervous, anxious, scared, and excited.
At that moment the anxiety set in. I started asking myself “Am I going to be a good father?” All of the other typical questions that I’m sure most new dads would ask started flooding my mind. When we left the doctor’s office that day my wife asked me how I was feeling. She could tell that I had freaked out a bit. I just never thought that I would fear being a good father more than anything else. I mean I’m Duane Wood man, I do wheelies at 75 MPH. What do I have to be scared of?
Now that this new life is coming, I ask myself “What is going to change?” I work a lot right now running a business that also requires me to travel sometimes. When I think about it I’m a bit selfish. It’s hard to make that transition just because we are used to doing what we want to do. Well, at least for the most part. Now I’m going to have to adjust and make changes in order to spend time with the new baby. To be honest that is one drawback for me right now. My wife and I didn’t have anything else to worry about. We would take vacations, go places, and be as loud as we wanted when we felt like it. Now there is someone else to think about and that’s going to be a huge adjustment for the both of us, but mainly me.
I am really looking forward to having this child. This isn’t like anything else that I’ve done before. It’s not like designing and building a machine like I do day in and day out. Machines don’t have feelings or personalities. I will get to help teach this kid how to walk, talk, and become another person in society. I will be able to teach it values, responsibilities, and respect. I will love this child more and more as time goes on and I will do my best to send this one out into the world ready. As much as he/she learns from me (which I hope isn’t my potty mouth), I know that I will learn so much from them. I AM ready. I think?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Feelin' It
Now it seems that time is moving fast. Before I know it the baby will be here and i won't be prepared at all. The latest thing that has been going on for me is my wife has started noticing the baby kicking more the past couple of weeks. My wife is all into it, she loves it. Me on the other hand, I'm a bit freaked out by it. Maybe I just look at things in black and white but if I had something moving around in my belly it would make me feel sick to my stomach. I'm getting more used to this whole baby thing a little more each day and getting a little less nervous.
My wife is always asking me to feel it kick and watch her stomach. I'm not to sure about it yet. I just told her it bothers me right now and I'm not comfortable with it. I guess at some point I'm going to have to break out of this shell of mine and give in a bit.
My wife is just expecting me to share my feelings and this experience with her. I'm just not a touchy, feely type of guy. I've never been much on sharing my feelings but I know that is what she is looking for right now. I think she just needs some evidence that I'm happy we're having this baby.
My wife is always asking me to feel it kick and watch her stomach. I'm not to sure about it yet. I just told her it bothers me right now and I'm not comfortable with it. I guess at some point I'm going to have to break out of this shell of mine and give in a bit.
My wife is just expecting me to share my feelings and this experience with her. I'm just not a touchy, feely type of guy. I've never been much on sharing my feelings but I know that is what she is looking for right now. I think she just needs some evidence that I'm happy we're having this baby.
Monday, January 14, 2008
What is it?
In one month from now we will find out what we are having. Most guys would want a boy first. I hear that they are a little easier and they can relate to them a little easier. I am kind of leaning towards having a girl first. I don't know what it is and why I would want one first. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. With a boy I think I would have a lot of fun with. Yeah, I could relate to him a lot easier and understand him a little better but I just think back to when I was a little boy. I was a little fireball. I was always getting into things that I was told not to and on top of everything else I had ADHD. I use to be very hyper and used to just bounce offf the walls. But the real problem is that I had a little brother that was only 13 months younger than me. It was a constant battle to see who was the tougher one.
With a girl I think it would be somewhat calmer. Now I don't know that for a fact but thats what I would like to think. I am also sure that the mother has a big influence on how the girl would turn out. My wife is a really laid back, beautiful person but my wife isn't far from myself. She is kind of a tom boy who enjoys football, playing cards, and drinking beer. So it will be interesting to see how all of that will play a part if we have a girl.
In the end I really don't care what we have. I will be happy to have either one and I'm sure I won't be as ready as I thought I was.
With a girl I think it would be somewhat calmer. Now I don't know that for a fact but thats what I would like to think. I am also sure that the mother has a big influence on how the girl would turn out. My wife is a really laid back, beautiful person but my wife isn't far from myself. She is kind of a tom boy who enjoys football, playing cards, and drinking beer. So it will be interesting to see how all of that will play a part if we have a girl.
In the end I really don't care what we have. I will be happy to have either one and I'm sure I won't be as ready as I thought I was.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Afraid
I'm a guy who works several hours a week. Sometimes I get called in to handle things in the middle of the night. My work keeps me very busy not to mention that I take evening classes. So where am I going to fit in the time to take care of a new child. I really want to be a big part of my childs life and be there for him/her. My father was a workaholic also and he really missed out on some key moments in my life. I just don't want to be that father who misses out on the games and events in my childs life. I don't have the luxury of just changing jobs, its a little more complicated than that. The reason I'm trying to complete my college education is so I can find a job that allows me to spend the time with my family.
Don't get me wrong. I am really exited to have this child with my wife. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am ready to have a family and I'm not getting any younger either. I feel like I'm getting older by the second. This feels like the perfect time for my wife and I to have our first one. Is it the right time according to life to have one? I really don't think there will ever be a perfect time to have one. Whether it's finances, work, or any other of life's obstacles that we face it is something that is difficult to plan. I'm just the type of guy that likes to be prepared for everything. I know thats impossible in this case but I would like to do my best to be ready.
Don't get me wrong. I am really exited to have this child with my wife. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am ready to have a family and I'm not getting any younger either. I feel like I'm getting older by the second. This feels like the perfect time for my wife and I to have our first one. Is it the right time according to life to have one? I really don't think there will ever be a perfect time to have one. Whether it's finances, work, or any other of life's obstacles that we face it is something that is difficult to plan. I'm just the type of guy that likes to be prepared for everything. I know thats impossible in this case but I would like to do my best to be ready.
Blog Thoughts
I was trying to figure out what to write about. I do have one really important thing going on in my life right now, my wife is pregnant and I'm about ready to have my first. There are a lot of things going on in my head right now and I have many questions that need answered. I have went from panic to starting to calm down now and I still have 5 more months to go yet. Even though we planned it and really wanted one I'm finding myself not as prepared for this as I thought. We have had a couple of ultra sounds so far but we are not far along enough yet to find out the sex. I'm all for finding out because I want to be as prepared as possible for this new one. Now I just need help answering all of these questions about life after the pregnancy. Am I going to be a good dad? Am I going to have to give up everthing that I enjoy to do? I just have a lot of thoughts to share but don't know where to get some help. I'm sure that these are very typical for any normal first time parent and I'm not the first to feel this way.
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