A New Man

There was a time not too long ago that I really feared being a father. Even though we had planned on having a child, the thoughts of being a good dad always haunted me. I came from a family that wasn't very emotional towards one another and I was afraid I would pass that on to my relationship with my daughter. I feared that I wouldn't be able to emotional bond with her. I would just be another face to her, one that was familiar, but had no real connection of love or happiness.

My work also controls much of my life. I am always working a lot, whether it be physically at the job or on the phone talking about work. I was worried about how I could fit having a kid into my work and school schedule. My work can be very demanding at times, causing me to get called in all hours of the night. How could I make family time when I can't even control my own time? My work also causes so much stress and that is something that I don't want to bring home, especially with a new baby.

June 22, 2008, Angie's water broke and before I knew it we were off to the hospital. When we finally arrived, the nurses checked us in and started with the induction. Since Angie wasn't dilated much, we had some time to spare. So many emotions, so many thoughts ran through my mind, but the one thing that was very clear is there was no turning back. All of the fears, all of the thoughts of being a poor dad had to be pushed back and my only concern was for Angie and the baby.

The next morning Rachel was born. I had quickly forgot about all of the worries I had the 9 months up to this point. I had new things to worry about. Is she breathing? Is she hungry? Does she need a diaper change? Lets be honest, I'm not a big fan of changing diapers and I almost vomit when I change a stinky one. The one thing that I did realize is more than diapers and food, she needed me more. That's when I feel like a changed man.

Rachel is now 6 months old and I'm starting to believe that she has a higher IQ than me. She is such an intelligent kid she must definitely get it from her mom. The only thing she got from me was ADD.

Looking back at previous post and seeing my journey through this, I see that I was mostly worried about ME. I would do anything for my daughter now. What happens to me isn't as important as her happiness. I enjoy spending every minute with her and has caused me to make changes in my life, so I can always be ther for her. The original meaning for the title of this blog was for the New Life I had created. Now this title has much more meaning, it has created a New Life in me.